A cab driver tells JThom about the one night he got “a double”.
Double = A good night
Recently, I had a heart-to-heart with my friend about how he is spiraling out of control with his sex addiction. My friend - who will remain unnamed - is so obsessed with the sex act that he insists on sleeping with his penis in a vat of marmalade so that if he has any sort of a wet dream, he wont have to change his boxers upon waking. Whats so interesting about his addiction in particular is how over-the-top fugly he is and how his face resembles a manhole cover in all the wrong ways. If you could imagine Rosie O’Donnels asshole, except with a crew cut and sideburns, you would have an accurate idea of what he looks like physically. He gets zero ass, wanks it at least 13.5 times before the sun rises, and eats either an adopted kitten or a segmented section of carpet a day so he can brag about how he munched rug and/or pussy. Whats even more disturbing is how often he check marks inside of his own asshole. He has somehow figured out a way to manipulate his Hock & Balls so that they do a 180 degree turn. I have walked in on him several times in the self-fuck position, and when he gets drunk I hear heavy slurping noises coming from his bedroom, the source of which I can only assume is him self-sucking, or solo-necking, his own heavy hocker. The local animal adoption agency has started to ban him from their premises, and Home Depot recently put a warrant out for his arrest after they discovered him making a thanksgiving dinner out of a 20 by 30 section of sequin-patterned carpet.